I’m having a Zoolander-like crisis.
I just don’t know who the hell I am.
I feel that by the age of 20, most people have an understanding of their sexuality. I’m still fucking confused.
I am still waiting for that day when I wake up and realise that I am X, Y or Z. I need someone to tell me if it is love I feel.
I think that I am attracted to women, but my brain questions “is that just because you have had bad experiences with men?”.
I know that I am attracted to men, drunkenly at least, but are my promiscuous behaviours in clubs just a way for me to feel that I am regaining some form of control when in the past I didn’t?
Perhaps I’m bisexual or just asexual. Please can someone enter my world and let me know! Heterosexual or homosexual or any other type of sexual I would be fine with. I want to find a true identity and a genuine romantic love.
I hope to not feel an outsider when my female friends talk about guys or a fraud when amongst the LGBTQ community. I need to start learning to be able to decipher my emotions and build a stable sense of self. I am going to invest my time into learning to trust my internal experiences and others so that in the future I will be able to have a healthy relationship.