Finding a Box That Fits.

I’m having a Zoolander-like crisis.

I just don’t know who the hell I am.

I feel that by the age of 20, most people have an understanding of their sexuality. I’m still fucking confused.

I am still waiting for that day when I wake up and realise that I am X, Y or Z. I need someone to tell me if it is love I feel.

I think that I am attracted to women, but my brain questions “is that just because you have had bad experiences with men?”.

I know that I am attracted to men, drunkenly at least, but are my promiscuous behaviours in clubs just a way for me to feel that I am regaining some form of control when in the past I didn’t?

Perhaps I’m bisexual or just asexual. Please can someone enter my world and let me know! Heterosexual or homosexual or any other type of sexual I would be fine with. I want to find a true identity and a genuine romantic love.

I hope to not feel an outsider when my female friends talk about guys or a fraud when amongst the LGBTQ community. I need to start learning to be able to decipher my emotions and build a stable sense of self. I am going to invest my time into learning to trust my internal experiences and others so that in the future I will be able to have a healthy relationship.

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One thought on “Finding a Box That Fits.

  1. I didn’t have it labeled until I was in my late 20’s and already married (and I’m bi…and no I didn’t figure that out by going out and cheating on my husband. lol). I guess, I just didn’t stop to think about it, categorize things, or put myself in any box when I was younger. I experimented when I was a teen, got married at 21, and never really contemplated my own sexual orientation till recently. Just let things unfold organically when it comes to relationships, and it will all sort itself in the end. No need for labels and boxes, they’re just stifling in the end anyways.

    Liked by 1 person

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