So many conversations. Too many words and too much insincerity. Nobody is ever truly present; phones close at hand are far more enticing. Company is only valuable if it is genuine, so I have resorted to being alone.
Nobody can ever talk to you without a shroud of social etiquette and convention. Even spoken language has boundaries and a history. Everything that you say is reliant on the recipients experience with the words that you choose. Shouting “FUCK!” at the top of your lungs will only shock if you are in the company of older, sensitive ears.
When people ask how I am, I’m tempted to say “empty”. When people ask how I am feeling I want to answer “nothing”. I am not sure what that would achieve though. Other people can only do so much. Words can only provide comfort if you wish to hear them and an empathic look is only received if you observe it. I have learnt not to rely on these gestures or even people for that matter.
We are all alone. Alone with our thoughts and experiences. Words can only do so much to breach the distance.