So yeh, I got cleared to go back to study. I was a bag of every emotion going and increasingly stressed by the phone-calls and emails that I had to send to sort out my return. Turns out that administration and organisation is not my Uni’s strong point. I was actually relieved by the time I had packed my bags and we were half way down the M5!
I love my flat. I love my halls and room. I have enjoyed the last four days and have felt great. But…
and yes there is a but….
One of our induction lectures was called: “Resilience and Mindfulness in Medicine”. Sounds great right?!
So in the lecture theatre, with three-hundred other students, I participated in a guided body scan. For those of you who do not know, a body scan is a mindfulness meditation were you pay attention to each part of your body, noticing tension or any other sensation without judgment. It took 15 minutes in total with our eyes closed, sat on green, squishy seats.
So rather than relax as my body and mind was intended to do, my chest tightened, heart pounded, palms turned sweaty and I struggled to catch my breath. I tried to stop it. I couldn’t even rationalise it as the anxiety was purely physical and my body was quaking. The worst of it only lasted around 20 minutes and it wasn’t obvious to anyone near that anything was wrong. I’m still shakey now.
I have found mindfulness techniques useful in the past so I guess that I am just surprised and shocked that that lecture would have bought on such bleuuughghhh. This isn’t going to affect my studies. I have met some great guys on my course and in my halls. This year will be great even if I have to have the odd anxiety attack!